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Jamie’s Good News

I entered a competition on TV3 for the Book Club last month. I reviewed David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas. Yes, I can see your mind working there, that film that was out a while ago where Tom Hanks put on funny wigs and noses, thus making him different people in different times yet somehow the same story strand. I know, you’re confused as hell. Try reading the book. Here’s the review that won me a Blackberry Playbook:

“Cloud Atlas. What? Sprawling. Mental. One story. Two Stories. Many Stories. I don’t get it. He went back. She went forward? Ah here. This is too much like hard work. Oh wait. Hold on. So he was? Jaysis. Mental. He did. She didn’t. I don’t know. Cloud Atlas. Good Jesus.”

That was how I felt while reading the book, a series of short bursts of story followed by disappointment then ultimately confusion. Some of the literary types praise it as “challenging” and that books aren’t meant to be “easy, it was written that way, to be challenging.” You can take your smugness and jump off a cliff, a high one. Books are supposed to challenge you yes, but not to the point where the narrative gets wrapped up and ultimately lost in a shambolic, rambling and ultimately messy story.

And to be fair, you are only supposed to be really challenged by books when you are in school. Maths books, Irish books.

Speaking of schools, this book reeked of could have done better. It had a distinct feel of a writer failing to tie up all the loose ends and just ended a particular story by starting a new one. Oh and the film was atrocious, you know just in case you were wondering. Cloud Atlas? Shit sandwich.

Bye Bye Birdie

Good Oul Bertie. The stuttering bum, the lovable rogue from the old lovable Dubalin. Ah Jaysis, will ya have a short? I will…. I didn’t see ya comin’, yil have a babby power…. Jaysis, we’ll go up The Mero in a bit. Lovable Oul Bertie. As I’m sure you are most astutely aware dear reader, Bertie is neither lovable nor innocent. After presiding over the decimation of the country he left his storied position in The Dail, yet still continued to pocket his pension. Now, think about that. But surely he’s entitled to a pension.

Hold that thought. Only seven out of 116 ministers gave up their pensions when the news about Bertie broke, this was despite the introduction of a system to allow them to do so. Also at this time none of the Fianna Fail ministers chose to give up their pensions despite being the ones presiding over the crash. Now, I don’t blame them entirely, they didn’t crash the money ship, but they were driving it. Let’s talk figures.

On this pension, Good Oul Bertie pockets a tasty €12,500 a month. A month!! I know, right! That’s roughly around €3,000 a week for doing nothing, literally nothing. Well unless you count traipsing around the country giving lectures nothing. Now, why all this anger you say? Well as many of you may or may not know, Good Oul Bertie has been appointed chairman of the IFF (International Forestry Fund). What so ever can this mean, James?

Well dear reader, gather around and I’ll tell you a tale.
Good Oul Bertie was directly involved in giving away lorry loads of our oil and gas during his time in power and now he is chairman of the very organization that the now government are looking to flog our forests and woodlands to. This is an abomination, an absolutely abhorrent way of pulling in more dirty money. There is no other way to describe it, and with a man in power who has no scruples pocketing €3,000 a week for the honour of being a retired Taoiseach, wave bye bye to all your favourite walkways.

Remember those happy memories of bringing your children or indeed being brought for a walk in one of these lovely areas? Well you better hope you took photos because the government will soon have them flogged off to the highest bidder, who will probably be Good Oul Bertie. The snake.

I am putting all politicians on notice for when you decide to campaign for re-election. Well when you all recover from your readily funded rips to the USA for Paddy’s Day so they could all laugh at the poor Paddies. Best to avoid me. Cross the street if you see me and do not even comprehend darkening my door. You are all snakes, cowardly weak snakes. And I know you won’t lose one iota of sleep over this, but this country is on it’s knees and you are going to preside over it being pushed over the edge. For what died the sons of Roisin……..

For anyone interested, there is a Walk In The Woods planned for the 28th of April. It takes place in Avondale House and Forest Park, Rathdrum. It is a walk around the woods and will feature poetry and works from prominent artists, singers and performers. Starts at 1pm. Bring a picnic!!!!

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Written by thepanch

April 24, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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