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Archive for February 2010

No, that’s just racist.

with 2 comments

Take your head. Take your head and bang it off the nearest wall. Done? That was quite painful wasn’t it? Well, if you were dumb enough to do it. Just like I was dumb enough to watch Katherine Lynch’s All The Single Ladies (Network Two, Sundays). And if I had have banged my head off of a wall, I probably would have gotten a far better feeling. Her list of “outrageous characters” include Shelia Chic. An inner city Dublin lady who has so much fake tan on, it is bordering on Minstrel territory. Yes, and this veiled racism is not helped by the fact that the character wears Indian garb. Before you jump down my neck, Katherine Lynch has not cleverly pointed out that some people in inner city Dublin are racist, she has not got the intelligence for that.  It’s not an ironic play on the issue of race, it is comedy of the lowest form. I use the term comedy loosely. I’ve had funnier kidney infections.

A couple of years ago, I was in a taxi in Dublin. And it was at the start of the influx of other nationalities entering our tiny island. I did not see the problem with this, and I still don’t. Because personally, I’m sick to the back teeth of pasty white Irish people complaining about everything and then sitting on their arses and letting the issue of their complaint simply soldier on, while they move onto another topic of contempt. Anyway, the taxi driver said, “Here, young fella, d’ya see them blacks d’ya. Yea, well let me tell ya somethin! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not racist. I plays snooker with a few of em. Sound lads. But them blacks are gettin’ free socks.” Tenner for anyone that can spot the numerous times he contradicted himself in that sentence.

Tommy Tiernan, he of the controversial sentence type, recently got into a spot of bother about a joke he made which went as follows. “D’ya know the worst thing about bein on a bike? Flies dyin on your helmet. I haven’t had as bad a case of it since I rode an itinerant”. Now, I found the joke quite funny as the picture he painted with the use of words made me laugh. The visual imagery amused me. However, the moral right, as per usual, were not. I can see their point. But do none of these people watch Katherine Lynch? Singing Bernie Walsh??? Seriously????!!!!

It’s as if Lynch had a seance and channeled Bernard Manning, Roy Chubby Brown and Jim Davidson. This character is extremely offensive. Where were the moral right campaigning for the removal of Katherine Lynch and Lynch related products off of “our national screens?” I literally cannot believe she has been commissioned for a second season. This show is woeful on so many levels. I’d prefer to be chased through a park in the middle of winter by the aroused,  fully naked, knife-wielding bastard son of Ted Bundy and Rose West.

On a plus note, Shameless is back on Channel 4. And I can also recommend, if you haven’t seen it, Dead Set. A show written by Charlie Brooker about a zombie outbreak in Britain. To which the Big Brother housemates on eviction night are totally oblivious. Cracking stuff. Oh and before I go, Katherine Lynch? That’s just racist.

Check out both Shameless and Dead Set on Channel Four’s wonderful internet service. 4OD.


Written by thepanch

February 15, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Txt Speak wl kill us all…. Innit?

with 7 comments

I dnt no how, bt da english lang is well nd trly dead. It seems it is kool to leave lettas out of wrds. It sves a hape of time………

The word great has five letters in it. In txt speak, it appears as gr8. This is leaving out three letters. I’ve timed it. It takes exactly a half a second to type the letters eat in that word. That leaves you a half a second to do what? Nothing, that’s what. A half a second is not even enough for a breath, let alone leave you a “hape of time.” This bastardisation of the english language is all over the media. Receiving  a text message from a friend or a relative usually makes me smile, as I like talking and conversing with people. However, sometimes it makes me sad and angry. Example:

“Hey, wt time u headin out at? I may gt sum yokes n town 1st. Da dg nds fud nd wata. Meet ya n da square?”

Call me old, but I had to read that message three times. Twice out loud just so I could get my head around it. What is the trouble with using full english? It does not require a great amount of time or effort. Let’s be fair here. We have been speaking, listening and hearing to this language since we were knee high to a grasshopper. I will admit, the society that the kids are evolving into these days is very fast paced, disposable and ultimately helpless.

Which is also why I have never bought a phone in my life. The first phone I ever recieved was from my cousin. My second phone was a throaway my sister didn’t want, because it “didn’t have Wap on it dough.” My current phone is a Nokia 3210. A phone that I inherited from an ex. Which was the only benefit I recieved from the relationship. At least the phone works and doesn’t make me want to cut my own face off.

I refuse to buy a new phone until these things happen:

1. The phone I have ends up falling into an irretrievable pit of fire. Or failing that, it breaks.

2. They invent a phone that has  a Breville sandwich maker attached to the end.

3. Phones give happy endings.

In all reality, the first one will be the reason for me forking out money on a new one. Sadly.

Please do what you can to encourage proper use of english language. Take the time to type great into a text message. Please, a little goes a long way.

Tnx 4 tkin da time 2 read dis. Mch Luv,

The Panch

Written by thepanch

February 7, 2010 at 9:30 pm

Posted in Thoughts

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